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This tuned out too long

Commenting in other people's journals is dangerous. My comment to wyliekat turned into this long thing, so I'm posting it here instead. The question is how to respond to those who think getting married should "make everything ok."

I was in similar circumstances, living with my fiancee, struggling with the day-to-day realities of life while people assumed that the marriage was so all-encompassing that it would override everything else. In fact, all it did was make an already crazy life (I was unemployed, desperately looking for work and trying to keep the house payments up) even more insane. Looking at the day after, I was mostly hoping for a day I'd be happy with that would mean I could get back to focusing on the day-to-days. We took our honeymoon late, so we only had 2 days of married life before going back to normal.

People all said "everything is different after marriage." I think that scared me more than it comforted. We had it pretty good and I didn't want to lose that. I'm actually grateful that they were wrong. Yes, marriage was a big step for us. We were both of the mind that we never wanted to divorce, so choosing carefully was very important. Of course, neither of us ever thought we'd actualy *get* married until we met.

I think I've lost my point in all this. I'm just trying to say that yes, the carousel goes around and the brass rings keep offering temptation. But weddings act as a fog, obscuring everything and blurring the shapes. That doesn't mean you give up and sit down. I think you're totally on the right track and that the people who're giving you grief are nuts.

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You know what? Thanks a lot for this. You've echoed everything I've been feeling, like the fact that the wedding has just taken a crazy life and made it more difficult. Hubby is unemployed, though that's likely to change soon, I'm desperately frustrated by what I'm doing and we're wrestling with larger things like house hunting and moving and the like.

AND again, these comments that people make about marriage making things different. I LIKE what we have right now, and I don't want it to become this other thing all of a sudden.

Thank you, thank you thank you. I thought I was absolutely nuts for feeling this way.

I'm glad that helped. It was really tough going through something like that with my support system maxed out from the other junk I was trying to cope with. I love LJ for being able to share this kind of thing. :)

I agree. I found this place when I was in desperate need, not that I knew it at the time.

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