savannah (onsafari) wrote,

This tuned out too long

Commenting in other people's journals is dangerous. My comment to wyliekat turned into this long thing, so I'm posting it here instead. The question is how to respond to those who think getting married should "make everything ok."

I was in similar circumstances, living with my fiancee, struggling with the day-to-day realities of life while people assumed that the marriage was so all-encompassing that it would override everything else. In fact, all it did was make an already crazy life (I was unemployed, desperately looking for work and trying to keep the house payments up) even more insane. Looking at the day after, I was mostly hoping for a day I'd be happy with that would mean I could get back to focusing on the day-to-days. We took our honeymoon late, so we only had 2 days of married life before going back to normal.

People all said "everything is different after marriage." I think that scared me more than it comforted. We had it pretty good and I didn't want to lose that. I'm actually grateful that they were wrong. Yes, marriage was a big step for us. We were both of the mind that we never wanted to divorce, so choosing carefully was very important. Of course, neither of us ever thought we'd actualy *get* married until we met.

I think I've lost my point in all this. I'm just trying to say that yes, the carousel goes around and the brass rings keep offering temptation. But weddings act as a fog, obscuring everything and blurring the shapes. That doesn't mean you give up and sit down. I think you're totally on the right track and that the people who're giving you grief are nuts.
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