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I watched Signs for the first time last night. Why didn't anyone warn me that it would make me dream of fending aliens off the bed by whapping them with dirty laundry? That was exhausting.

Anyway, this morning in the shower I started thinking about what Mel Gibsons character says about thinking that there's someone in this with you or being basically alone. I realized that I've basically been looking for something religious to believe in since I started exploring religions in 1993. Why am I looking? I've always thought that I was ok with being alone and the chaos implied by the lack of an afterlife.

But I don't believe in coincidence. I don't believe in fate either. So where does that leave me? Somewhere trapped in the middle, I think. I've always talked to dead relatives and believed they could hear me, ever since I was little. I wasn't raised with any religion of any sort, so I wasn't pressured into praying for them or anything. So when did I stop believing that was real? Were they just imaginary friends?

I think that I've come to the conclusion that I do believe in some sort of higher power. I will never worship it in a church - people are just too... corrupting of any "divine" influence to not make me angry. But the revelation that I do, on some level, believe in a divine power was pretty amazing.

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Welcome to the world of the Agnostic/Diest. You are now a card carrying member. I welcome you to the fold. :)

Thanks. Does the card come in the mail?

I loved that movie, even though it scared the crap out of me and I think I jumped clear out of my skin twice.

I have a hard time with organized religion. It just doesn't make sense to me. I've always been partial to Bokononism (from Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle), which admits it's just a bunch of lies made up to make people feel better. That's all religion is to me anyway. So I've solved it by developing a fierce belief in Karma. My own brand of Karma, anyway. I don't know exactly what the word really means, but I like my meaning. If I'm a good person, eventually things will work out for the best. All jerks who annoy and enrage me will get what's coming to them. It's a very comforting thought, and it doesn't seem to bother me at all that it's probably totally fiction. After all, there is truth in lies. Or maybe I'm just a nutcase.

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