Anyway, this morning in the shower I started thinking about what Mel Gibsons character says about thinking that there's someone in this with you or being basically alone. I realized that I've basically been looking for something religious to believe in since I started exploring religions in 1993. Why am I looking? I've always thought that I was ok with being alone and the chaos implied by the lack of an afterlife.
But I don't believe in coincidence. I don't believe in fate either. So where does that leave me? Somewhere trapped in the middle, I think. I've always talked to dead relatives and believed they could hear me, ever since I was little. I wasn't raised with any religion of any sort, so I wasn't pressured into praying for them or anything. So when did I stop believing that was real? Were they just imaginary friends?
I think that I've come to the conclusion that I do believe in some sort of higher power. I will never worship it in a church - people are just too... corrupting of any "divine" influence to not make me angry. But the revelation that I do, on some level, believe in a divine power was pretty amazing.