savannah (onsafari) wrote,

I watched Signs for the first time last night. Why didn't anyone warn me that it would make me dream of fending aliens off the bed by whapping them with dirty laundry? That was exhausting.

Anyway, this morning in the shower I started thinking about what Mel Gibsons character says about thinking that there's someone in this with you or being basically alone. I realized that I've basically been looking for something religious to believe in since I started exploring religions in 1993. Why am I looking? I've always thought that I was ok with being alone and the chaos implied by the lack of an afterlife.

But I don't believe in coincidence. I don't believe in fate either. So where does that leave me? Somewhere trapped in the middle, I think. I've always talked to dead relatives and believed they could hear me, ever since I was little. I wasn't raised with any religion of any sort, so I wasn't pressured into praying for them or anything. So when did I stop believing that was real? Were they just imaginary friends?

I think that I've come to the conclusion that I do believe in some sort of higher power. I will never worship it in a church - people are just too... corrupting of any "divine" influence to not make me angry. But the revelation that I do, on some level, believe in a divine power was pretty amazing.
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