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onsafari

Changing seasons

It's raining outside the window. I wouldn't mind this so much if I hadn't left my rain jacket somewhere. In fact, I have no idea where it is, which means that after I make one more call to try and track it down, I'll have to go buy a new one. For some reason, this depresses me mightily. I think it may have something to do with the feeling that the walls are closing in and I need to hide in a corner. How am I going to survive working late? There's nothing to do. I get stuff in such a tiny dribble that there's barely enough to keep me occupied. And when I'm bored, I get depressed. Of course, I could spend my time writing my novel or making a packing list. That is, if I hadn't forgotten the materials at home. I hate it when I do that.

So instead, I will spend today trying to come up with some way to spend the time that doesn't make me want to go on a killing spree. Which is very odd, considering how good a mood I've been in for the last week. Maybe I exhausted the reserves while I was doing all that work on the house and yard over the weekend. Or maybe it disappeared when I discovered how much money we'd spend this month. That must have been it. I get depressed when the finances get stretched. It's not that we won't be able to make our commitments, it just feels like things are getting thin. And I hate that I don't have much control over my spending. Especially with how voluntary it all is. Maybe I need to go on a money diet.


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Boredom is very often what drives me into a depression. Sometimes it causes panic attacks, too. I keep a list of things to entertain myself with when I have too much downtime at work. I think I'd snap without it.

That's an excellent idea. I think I'm going to steal it from you. :)

Help yourself. :)

Seriously, I've warded off a couple of panic attacks just by having it handy. When the panicky feeling starts, I find that I have a very, very short attention span and the worse the anxiety is the shorter the attention span gets. So if I have the list handy I can find something to do early on and find something to focus on. I try to write down things that I want to do "when I have some time one day" as I think of them. The list includes everything from writing to my sisters to looking up stuff for class to researching migraines and birth control methods. Naturally, catching up on my friends page is always on the list.

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