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onsafari

SNAP!

While driving in to work this morning I heard a near-audible snap inside my brain. I was calm, nearly giddy, with relief. The stress I'd been hoarding lifted and left me alone in the car in the morning fog. It was almost as though my brain disconnected from the parts of me that like to be stressed out.

I've managed to maintain this wonderful feeling all day despite the deadlines I'm fighting. It's finally occurred to me that nothing I'm doing is life or death. This is all convenience stuff. Worst case scenarios ran through my head and they just weren't that bad. Things get pushed back, maybe I get reprimanded. But I seriously doubt that any of that would happen even if I did completely screw up.

But that's the big thing - I don't screw up at work. I do wonderful things for people and give them the direction they want and need. In fact I have an entore team trained so that if I'm late to a meeting, they ask for me and check up to make sure I'll be there. They need me. It's a heady feeling. Monday I took over somone else's meeting and gave the direction they were seeking. I spent an entire hour cataloging direction and spelling out stakeholders for the project manager. He now calls me when he has questions.

I'm good at my job. I get to play at being a systems and tools architect. Most days I like it. The last two, I've been plagued by a training I have to give on something that doesn't work well. I'm going to get hard questions that I can't answer because I don't know and the software I'm training on sucks rocks. But that doesn't bother me any more because I can't do anything about it. I'll do the best I can with the data I've got and get answers where I don't have them. That's all anyone can ask right?