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I find that I'm censoring myself a lot lately. I'm ignoring myself, and trying to become immersed in the little things. But it's not going as well as my subconscious wants. I still have those moments of undirected rage, the spurts of joy, the need for a connection, and the feeling of isolation.

I'm sick of it. I'm going to start ignoring the imagined consequences (things never turn out as badly as they seem) and start sharing more. I hope this will reduce the inertia I'm experiencing. Tact be damned, full speed ahead.

I should be outside working on this wreck of a yard. But I don't want to. I can see the wind blowing, I know damn well it's damp, and I hate weeding. But right now I'm trying to cut back on expenses, since I don't have a job yet. I just need a day job, to get me to the point where I can start my stint as a "land baron." Which I'm really looking forward to. Despite the fact that when I mentioned it for the first time to my fiancee, he laughed. He actually does that often. Which really bothers me. But I rationalize it away by thinking that he doesn't mean it, I've just surprised him again. Despite his eccentricities, he's very ruled by social norms. But he's coming around on this real estate empire idea...

I think that's enough randomness for now. It demonstrates my thought process well, though.